Masking means hiding traits to fit in, and it's best studied in autistic and ADHD adults. Here's why it's so draining and how to ease off safely.
You smile through conversations that drain you. You copy other people's energy until you've lost track of your own. By evening you're wiped out after a day that looked completely normal from the outside.
That pattern has a name. Masking means hiding or toning down parts of yourself so you fit in socially, and it can be exhausting in a way sleep doesn't fix. The term comes mainly from research on autistic people and, more recently, adults with ADHD. Plenty of women recognise the feeling without either, but the evidence is strongest in those groups.
What Masking Means in Psychology
Researchers often call it camouflaging. In a study of 92 autistic adults, camouflaging combined masking and compensation techniques, and people did it to fit in and connect with others. Masking means hiding a trait. Compensation means working around it, for example by scripting small talk or studying faces.
The NHS notes that signs of autism can be harder to see in women due to masking. Autistic women may copy how others behave, appear to cope well socially, and hide their feelings when things get hard.
Why Masking Is So Draining
Every masked interaction asks you to monitor yourself and the room at the same time. You're tracking what you'd naturally do, what's expected, and how you're coming across. That takes effort, and the effort doesn't stop when the conversation does.
People in the 2017 autism study named exhaustion and threats to how they saw themselves as consequences. The NHS says adapting so autistic traits are less noticeable can make everyday activities and social interactions feel exhausting and stressful.
ADHD research is newer but points the same way. In a Simon Fraser University study of 202 people with ADHD, 91.6% said they masked their ADHD traits. Participants linked it to exhaustion and anxiety, and some needed days to recover after intense masking. The diagnoses were self-reported, so treat it as an early signal.
What Masking Looks Like in Daily Life
It might mean forcing eye contact that feels uncomfortable, or sitting on the urge to fidget. You might nod along to instructions you didn't follow, then quietly work it out later.
For women with ADHD, it can look like over-preparing to hide distractibility, or setting three alarms so no one sees you're late. If that sounds familiar, these signs of ADHD in women that often get missed are worth a read. For autistic women, it can mean scripting conversations or booking quiet time after every social event.
Many women without either diagnosis describe something similar. They tone down opinions to seem likeable or hide needs to avoid seeming demanding. The habits behind people-pleasing overlap with this. But that broader kind of masking hasn't been studied in the same way, so the research above may not apply to it directly.
The Cost of Constant Performance
Over time, masking can blur your sense of what you actually like and need. That fits the identity threats people described in the research. When most of your choices have been about fitting in, it's hard to know who you are outside what you do for others.
There's a mental health cost too. In a 2021 study of autistic adults, camouflaging was linked to more severe generalised anxiety, depression and social anxiety. Once autistic traits and age were accounted for, the link was small, and gender didn't change it. The study shows an association, not proof that masking causes these problems.
What Unmasking Actually Looks Like
Unmasking doesn't mean dropping all social awareness overnight. It means noticing when you're performing and choosing, some of the time, not to.
Start in low-stakes places. Disagree about where to eat. Let yourself fidget at home or with one trusted friend. Notice how your body feels afterwards compared with a fully masked day.
Plan recovery time after events that drain you, rather than pretending they don't. Bring the headphones and actually use them. If work is the hardest place, think about which one adjustment would help most, such as written instructions or a quieter desk.
Some people find it helps to get clarity first. If masking sits alongside other signs of autism or ADHD, the NHS advises seeing a GP, who may refer you for an assessment. And if the exhaustion has tipped into low mood, burnout or anxiety most days, ask for help with that now, not after a diagnosis.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is Masking the Same as Social Anxiety?
No. Social anxiety is fear of social situations, while masking is hiding or covering traits during them. They often overlap, and in one study camouflaging was linked to more social anxiety in autistic adults.
How Do I Know if I'm Masking or Just Being Polite?
Politeness is a choice you can drop without much cost. Masking tends to be constant, effortful and followed by exhaustion, sometimes needing days to recover. If that pattern fits, it's worth paying attention to.
Should I Get Assessed for Autism or ADHD if I Mask?
Masking alone doesn't mean you're autistic or have ADHD, since many people adjust themselves socially. If you also recognise other signs, the NHS advises talking to a GP. They can refer you for an assessment and point you to support while you wait.
This article is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult a qualified healthcare provider before making changes to your health routine.
